Author Q&A with Dean Koontz

December 20, 2006

First: In the e-mails you leave for me at the e-mail address given above, I'm being asked to send signed photos, books for charity auctions, and old socks for Old Sock Festivals. I'm happy to do all of that, but I must have a mailing address. Because of the popularity of "Author Q&A," I can't respond to every e-mail and seek addresses where needed. If you're asking for something that has to be sent by snail-mail, either leave an address where the snail can find you, or write to me at the post office box listed below:

Dean Koontz
PO Box 9529
Newport Beach, California 92658

 

Question #1

I'm in bookselling and got my hands on an advance reader's copy of BROTHER ODD. I doubted that any book in the series could reach the peak and the power of the original, ODD THOMAS, but this one comes really, really close. And the AMAZING ending has me excited about what comes next for Oddie. I think the next one might be the best of all. Please tell me the series doesn't end here! --Rob, Chicago

Thanks for your kind words, Rob. There will be a fourth episode in Odd's life, and maybe more. He is on an epic journey, and I have no idea where it will lead him--except that as he deals with the real problems of life and with the supernatural, he will always be Odd, maturing in mind and heart, but always fully aware of the comic and the tragic qualities of life that are entwined in every moment of our existence. I have to finish a very special novel slated for autumn 2007, and of course FRANKENSTEIN #3, but then I will follow Odd to whatever epiphany he leads me.

Question #2

I'm an aspiring writer. This crazy act of creation takes me from dizzying highs to devastating lows. I alternately feel that my story is The Best Thing Ever Scribed...then I'll come crashing down to the certainty that I'm a Talentless Hack Wannabe. Do you experience this? Or being as how you are so successful now, did you experience this when you were starting out? -- Nate, Marysville

Life is so amazing, Nate, so filled with potential for joy, and the act of writing is so exhilarating that I am perpetually optimistic. I'm not even troubled when I think about A HUGE HURTLING ASTEROID COLLIDING WITH THE EARTH AND WIPING OUT ALL LIFE BUT COCKROACHES, AND COCKROACHES CAN'T READ, SO IN A WORLD OF COCKROACHES, MY ENTIRE LIFE'S WORK WILL BE FOR NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING!!!! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, NATE? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT???? But as I wait for the asteroid that will obliterate me, as well as my collection of ceramic thimbles--my beautiful extensive collection of ceramic thimbles--I might as well continue to write my current novel, which has a storyline that's totally got me pumped, and characters that feel as real as neighbors, even more real than the neighbors who live to the east of us. It's so cool, this book, I'm really, really, really juiced. This book is going to knock people on their ass, Nate. Just like the HUGE HURTLING ASTEROID IS GOING TO KNOCK THE ENTIRE PLANET ON ITS ASS. AND WHAT IF THE COCKROACHES, MUTATED BY RADIOACTIVITY, GROW TO THE SIZE OF HUMAN BEINGS AND LEARN TO READ, AND MY BOOKS SURVIVE IN SOME BUNKER, AND THE COCKROACHES DON'T LIKE MY BOOKS? NATE, NATE, WHAT IF THE COCKROACHES LAUGH AT MY BOOKS? WHAT IF THE ULTIMATE FATE OF MY BOOKS IS TO BE HELD UP TO RIDICULE AS AN EXAMPLE OF HUMAN STUPIDITY IN A POST-NUCLEAR FUTURE WHERE INTELLIGENT COCKROACHES RULE THE WORLD? AND WHAT IF BY SOME FLUKE MY CERAMIC THIMBLE COLLECTION ALSO SURVIVES, AND WHAT IF THE INTELLIGENT MUTANT COCKROACHES USE THOSE DELICATE AND BEAUTIFUL SYMBOLS OF HUMAN EXCEPTIONALISM FOR SOME OBSCENE PURPOSE?!?!? MY BELOVED CERAMIC THIMBLES EMPLOYED TO DECORATE THE DISGUSTING GENITALIA OF GIANT MUTANT COCKROACHES! THE HORROR, NATE, OH, THE HORROR!!! Do I go through ups and downs, and self-doubt? You bet. And I've always suspected that the writers I find unreadable are,to a one, people with no self-doubt at all.

Question #3

I would love to have a signed photo. -- Valerie, Boston

Valerie, I had just received a signed photo of my Aunt Wanda on her Christmas card, when your e-mail request arrived. I want to send it to you, since it will make you so happy, and also because it creeps us out to have her picture in the house. Furthermore, in the kitchen pantry, I discovered a box of Betty Crocker cake mix that bears Betty's picture and signature, and I will be delighted to send it to you, as well. My problem is that you did not leave a mailing address. While we do try to address requests for photos and bookplates that come by e-mail, you are much more likely to receive them on a timely basis if you write by snail mail to me at P.O. Box 9529/Newport Beach, Ca 92658.

Question #4

Why are the Frankenstein books only published in paperback or Large Print hardback? I am a collector. How could I get copies of the first two books in regular hardback? --Michelle, writing from only God knows where

The books appeared only in paperback and as co-written ventures because of what, in retrospect, seems to me to be bad agent advice. Through the experience of the first two volumes, I learned that I could not collaborate. That's not the fault of my co-writers. It's a character flaw in me. They did their job; but I found I could not work with other people's material and had to start from scratch. Considering the popularity of these books, if I had never gone down the collaborator route and had published them first in hardcover, they would have done well and would exist in that more permanent form. After the third has been published, a small press may issue them in hardcover editions. Stay tuned to this web site for the full scoop.

Question #5

Will you ever retire? Please don't ever retire. -- Jesse, Montana

I will retire when God folds me up and puts me away or when he folds up the world. Until then, this is what I do, not only as a career but for recreation and to understand the nature of my own heart and soul.

Question #6

I think that Question #1 in "Author Q&A" is the one people will most remember. Therefore, I have two questions. My first question is, if you use my second question, will you please use it as Question #1 at the top of your column, so everyone will see it first? -- Paul, Toronto

Paul, buddy, I love ya, I really do, but you just don't know much about mass psychology and the power of numbers. An important study by a major university has shown that in Q&A columns like this one, the vast majority of readers remember Question #6 more than any other question. When people cooperating in the study were strapped down in chairs and tortured with bamboo splinters under their fingernails until they remembered Question #1, few of them could recall it even to spare themselves from prolonged and terrible agony. When a gun was held to their heads, with the hammer cocked, the percentage who could then remember Question #1 rose from 9.6% to 10.2%. This was statistically insignificant, requiring a repeat of the study, but university officials decided against funding a second pass, in part because of the unsettling number of misfires by psychologists unfamiliar with guns. So here you are, Paul, at the most enviable position in the column, Question #6, a little piece of immortality, from me to you.

Question #7

Over the years, has it become easier to write or are you more critical of yourself now? -- Kristina, Florida

When I was young and thought I knew everything--but in fact knew nothing--I believed that after writing ten books, I would know all the tricks, and writing thereafter would be slick and sweet. As it turned out, to keep myself interested, I had to raise the bar, book by book. Eventually I realized that, for a writer working in our dazzling and limber language, the number of tricks is infinite. No matter how much one learns about language, characterization, and the techniques of narrative, the amount remaining to learn would take a dozen lifetimes. That's what makes the work rewarding.

Question #8

Why did you write THE HUSBAND? -- Cindi, Georgia

I wanted to write JURASSIC PARK, but Michael Crichton had already written it, and I needed to write something.

Question #9

I love the photo of you and Trixie on BROTHER ODD. Is she as happy as she looks? --Roberto, presently in Rome

Even among golden retrievers�arguably the happiest, most affectionate of breeds--Ms.Trixie is an exceptionally affectionate and happy pooch. At 11, she is a svelte 69 pounds--though her glorious thick fur coat makes her look more formidable--and her painful arthritis has been banished by a daily measure of Metacam in her food. For those of you whose aging dogs have joint pain, I cannot recommend strongly enough that you consult your vet about using this wonderful liquid anti-inflammatory. Two or three weeks after Trixie began this medication, she was limber and by all indications pain-free. She has been romping around like a five-year-old dog.

Question #10

Why does there always have to be damn Question #10? We could be outside in yard, wriggling in grass, chasing hummingbirds. -- Trixie, California

There has to be a Question #10 because this column is called "Author Q&A." Now let's go rip the guts out of a plush-toy duck.

Next Installment Coming Soon!