• MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

    By Trixie Koontz, Dog

    1. Sausage
    2. Sausage
    3. Sausage
    4. Sausage
    5. Peanut butter
    6. Sausage
    7. Potato chips
    8. Grapes
    9. Meatballs
    10. Meatballs
    11. Sausage meatballs
    12. Peanut-butter sausages
    13. Pepcid AC
    14. Seventy-eight tennis balls
    15. Twenty-five tennis balls
    16. Nine rubber balls
    17. DVD — "American's Funniest Stupid-Cat Videos"
    18. A partridge in a pear tree
    19. Bottle of Billy Joe Bob's Partridge Bar-Bee-Que Hot Sauce
    20. Sausage
    21. Tattoo of Garfield on my butt
    22. World peace
    23. One hundred snappy comebacks for when Mom and Dad say "bad dog"
    24. Psychological counseling for mentally disturbed little dog who thinks he saw cow jump over moon and dish run away with spoon
    25. Scientific discovery that cats are sole cause of human aging
    26. Seven million pints of wild berry Tofutti
    27. Driving lessons
    28. Map to Jimmy Dean sausage factory
    29. Map to Farmer John Bacon factory
    30. Map to Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory
    31. Liposuction as needed
    32. All fleas in hell
    33. Night Vision Cat Scope
    34. Pepper spray to deal with aggressive mailman
    35. Federal law against stupid yellow-vinyl dog raincoats
    36. Apology from Disney for stereotyping all dogs as dumb by creating and promoting witless character named Goofy
    37. Sausage

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    to view the video of Dean Koontz with Trixie Koontz, dog, essayist and literary critic.