Man vs. Dog: Trixie Does Some Deep Thinking
Cookies to you! Is me, Trixie, who is dog. Have been thinking about lot of things lately. Have been thinking why people always want to stop and smell roses when world has lots more interesting things to smell, like pee-marks left by other dogs, wadded up Big Mac wrapper in gutter, Aunt Wanda's feet, and area of neighbor's backyard where body is buried. Have been thinking which came first, dog or kibble, dog or blue poop-pickup bags, dog or plush toys with squeaker inside. Have decided kibble, blue bag, and squeaky toys came first because God would want everything dogs need to be here before dogs arrive. Means people came before dogs, because dogs need people to tell us how cute we are. Dogs probably were last thing put on earth--peak of Creation.
Have been thinking about paws. Dogs have 'em, people don't. So if dogs are peak of Creation, paws must be better than hands. But would like to have hands to get own kibble, drive car, play rockin' ukelele, and other things can't do with paws. Seems like hands more useful than paws. Then realize other things hands good for: forging signatures, pointing finger of blame, pulling trigger, making obscene gestures, picking pockets, picking nose.... Maybe would be bad idea--dogs with hands. Probably dogs could drive if only had tentacles.
Hey, is possible dogs not peak of Creation? Whoa. Deep question. Needs much heavy thinking. No. Is not possible. Many proofs dogs peak of Creation. A few: is no dog equivalent of Paris Hilton; never saw dog wearing plaids and stripes at same time; no dog would ever tie human to post and leave alone in backyard; no dog ever got drunk, woke up next morning in bed with strange cat. Also no dog would buy film rights to best-selling novel, change story fifty ways, and produce stupid trash, which is reason dog should get many many many treats. Bliss to you. Love, Trixie (dog).
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