Trixie's Resolutions

I, Trixie Koontz, (who is dog) resolve to be better dog in all ways starting 12:00:01 am. January 1, but not one second sooner. Am told all the time by mom, by Dad -- by everyone -- that I am good dog, good dog. Don't know how could be better. But would like to be told am perfect dog, perfect dog, 'cause maybe perfect dog gets more treats than good dog. I, Trixie (who is dog, and good), hereby resolve as follows:

1) to be furrier

2) to wag tail more

3) to recommend ODD THOMAS to everyone at next Mensa meeting

4) to say nice things about cats even if every time say nice things, I vomit

5) to eat more frankfurters

6) to avoid say nice things about cats immediately after eat frankfurters

7) to be standing beside cat immediately after say nice things — and to aim well

8) to get own newspaper subscription so don't have to read Dad's and get drool marks all over food pages before he reads them

9) to have groomer cut words ODD THOMAS into fur so can sell Dad's new book everywhere I go

10) to find out if other book writers live in neighborhood, then pee on their lawns

11) to register and vote like good citizen

12) to get driver's license, help Mom and Dad with errands like to pet store, grocery store, bakery, ice-cream shop

13) to pick up after myself with blue bags

14) to put blue bags in garbage instead of in Dad's shoes no matter how funny would be in Dad's shoes

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to view the video of Dean Koontz with Trixie Koontz, dog, essayist and literary critic.