May 20, 2010

8 Reasons Why Breathless Should Be Your Holiday Reading Experience

1. Santa’s token psychotic elf, Blister, who has a rap sheet taller than he is, really loved BREATHLESS. He’s taken a personal interest in the book’s success. Blister has access to Santa’s list of names and addresses. Blister knows where you live. If he can’t get down your chimney, he’ll get in through a sewer line. He’s unstoppable.

2. Everyone who has read an advance copy of BREATHLESS has reported feeling so good at the end of the book that they couldn’t stop smiling. We have seen readers of the book smiling as broadly as a golden retriever. Some were so happy they were racing around the room in sheer delight, squeaking a chew toy.

3. One of the characters in BREATHLESS is a 160-pound Irish wolfhound named Merlin. If you like dogs, you will love this book. If you like the Irish, you will love this book. If you don’t like the Irish, what are you–some leprechaun-hating bigot who would spit on the blarney stone and push a red-haired, freckle-faced nun under a bus?

4. BREATHLESS arrives in bookstores on 24 November. Blister the elf will finish his workshop tasks on 23 December and be free to deal with personal crusades and vendettas. That gives you 30 days to buy BREATHLESS before your life will surely become a living hell of unrelenting elf terror.

5. BREATHLESS will provide more hours of entertainment than five movies, and while you’re reading it, your feet won’t stick to the floor (unless you’re a really bad housekeeper) and no one will repeatedly kick the back of your chair (unless your spouse is psychotic) and if you want popcorn while you read, it won’t cost $112 like it would in a movie theater.

6. The title, BREATHLESS, in part refers to the book’s fast pace and is not a warning that you might suffocate while reading it.

7. Blister has a large collection of knives.

8. No one sitting at home, reading a Koontz novel has ever been killed by a meteor. But if you look at the fine print on the back of a movie ticket, you’ll see a disclaimer that the theater refuses to be held responsible for deaths by meteor during the show.

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