Essays

Well, it’s April, but having made a fool of myself multiple times in March, I’ve got that out of the way. It feels good to be ahead of my obligations. I also overpaid quarterly taxes last year, so I don’t owe anything on the 15th—or at least until they find out about that $300,000 deduction for cabernet sauvignon as a medical expense.

I don’t generally recommend TV shows, but I’ve very much enjoyed the first few episodes of season one of Resident Alien, which is very funny, and I think it would be just as funny without the cabernet sauvignon. As for movies, Russell Crowe scared the bejesus out of me in Unhinged, but then he’s often scared the bejesus out of me even when he played romantic leads.

Strangely enough, I am more productive, as a writer, now that I am 205 than I was as a much younger man. Thank you for your lovely response to Quicksilver. In July, The Big Dark Sky will be released. I have finished one of my favorite books ever, for publication next January—The House At the End of the World—and I’m working on another one I like as much. I wish I had time to see a dentist about my teeth, but now that the last of them has fallen out and I’ve no more need of dentists, I ought to have the time to see a doctor about the baseball-sized growth on my forehead, just as soon as I finish the current book and maybe two short stories. At least the eye in the darn thing has closed, and I no longer feel that it’s looking down on me with disapproval.

April is a month full of significant holidays, and I hope you enjoyed all of them with your family and friends. Perhaps you baked on the beach or barbecued half a cow. One caution: no matter how much you love the planet on Earth Day, I strenuously advise against blowing up a hydroelectric dam. However you might be celebrating, just know that I will be working hard at my computer to ensure your future entertainment.

Warmest regards from everyone here in Koontzland.