Essays

Happy New Year! I have resolved to take life more seriously in 2021 than I took it in 2020, though I took it so seriously in 2020 that the question I was most often asked was, “What’s wrong with your face?” There was nothing wrong with my face. I was just expressing how seriously I took the awful events of that year, for I never want anyone to think I’m a frivolous person.

I have also resolved to be carefree and have a lot more fun in 2021 than I had in 2020. You might think these two resolutions conflict with each other, but you would be wrong. When one takes life very, very, very seriously, one inevitably thinks a lot about mortality. Perhaps you don’t take life seriously and are therefore not aware that you, like everyone else, will die. But to us serious types, this fact is inescapable, and we would go stark raving mad if, in spite of our seriousness, we didn’t manage to be carefree and have a lot of fun.

Furthermore, I have resolved to discover the meaning of life, because I have realized that a person can’t be truly serious with such a giant hole of ignorance in his knowledge of the world, nor is it easy to be carefree and have a lot of fun if one does not know why one exists. I will start my search for the meaning of life at the center of things, at a WalMart in Kansas, and work outward from there in concentric circles. If you wish to join me in this critical search, you are welcome, though you must sign a commitment letter to remain carefree and have a lot of fun during our journey, in spite of the fact that we could possibly discover that the meaning of life is something that would depress the hell out of any sane person.

May 2021 be the best year of your life to date, followed by 100 more that are better.