Wow, after months of having to eat at home every night, we here in Koontzland were excited when our favorite restaurants began to do business again this past week. We went with Ms. Elsa on opening day. The patio tables were ten or twelve feet apart, the waiters wore masks and gloves, the busboys wore full-face plastic shields, and the mood-music guitarist kept alternating between “Eve of Destruction” and “Saint James Infirmary.” It was sooooo romantic!
With due regard for the sensibilities of those among you who are of a most tender nature, I will restrain myself and describe the current situation in the most genteel yet accurate way that I can: This sucks.
There’s one bright ray in this gloom. No governor has yet issued stringent guidelines for reading my most recent novel, Devoted. If your copy isn’t borrowed or if it’s an eBook, you need not wash your hands before beginning each chapter, and if during the reading thereof you should sneeze in the privacy of your own home, you need not submit to forced submersion in a tub of disinfectant or have your nostrils cauterized with a butane lighter. Best of all, I’m pretty sure you’ll really like the story.
With warmest wishes from everyone here in Koontzland,