Essays

I’m not Dr. Oz. I’m not even the Wizard of. But if you ever have trouble with leg cramps in the middle of the night, I now know how to avoid them. No, I haven’t cut off my legs at the knees. I have matured enough so that I no longer seize upon the first answer to a problem that occurs to me. I was having cramps so awful, they made me scream louder than Jamie Leigh Curtis in all those old horror flicks. They went on for 10 or 15 minutes, and I couldn’t walk them off, had to wait for them to relent. Now, no leg cramps.

The problem is potassium deficiency. If I eat a banana every morning and every other day eat two, I have no cramps. I don’t love bananas. For all you banana lovers out there, let me hasten to say that I don’t despise them, either. Although I don’t love bananas, I like them well enough to call them “casual friends.” So I’m just doing a little public service here, because I do love my readers and want you all to be free of leg cramps. And ticks. And dangerous liver-eating parasites. Really, I want you to be free of all bad things.