Essays

July is here, and it’s hot. Personally, I have never been hot. I was lukewarm in my youth, when I had a mustache and vaguely resembled Burt Reynolds. This encouraged women to come on to me with such smoldering comments as, “You vaguely resemble Burt Reynolds,” and “Why are you trying to look like Burt Reynolds?” and “Is something wrong with your upper lip?”

I think it’s a blessing not to be hot. I mean, being hot requires an enormous amount of time and energy. You dare not be caught looking ordinary or even semi-hot for a moment, because everyone will suddenly think your previous hotness was a fraud. You’ve got to spend hours every day grooming yourself to perfection and maintaining an au courant wardrobe that screams HOT. You have to use those tiny power tools to eliminate all visible nose and ear hair, at the grave risk that one of them will malfunction and burrow into your brain.

Although I am not hot and would rather be “quaintly attractive” or even “as plain as an old shoe but nice,” I can tell you that my new novel has been called hot by people who know hotness when they see it. The Big Dark Sky has two of the weirdest villains that my strange mind has produced. Referring to one of those characters, Booklist called him “completely wackadoodle but absolutely riveting.” When July isn’t hot, it’s warm. In spite of the wackadoodle and absolutely riveting bad guy, The Big Dark Sky is also full of warmth and good people you’ll like.

Let me know what you think. Before you can tell me what you think, you’ll have to read The Big Dark Sky, which means you’ll have to buy it when it is released on July 19th. So, yes, I got around to shameless self-promotion, but I’m a nice old shoe, and I do sincerely think you’ll enjoy it.

Best wishes from all of us here in Koontzland!