Essays

I heard it’s back-to-school time, so I hurried out to the store and bought 100 pens, a shirt-pocket protector, 50 spiralbound notebooks, and—because I am largely self-educated and serve both as student and teacher—a pack of 1,000 little gold-foil stars to stick on my work when I think it’s well done. Meanwhile our glorious golden, Ms. Elsa, has decided to begin growing her winter coat.

As the days grow shorter, as a chill comes into the air, as a new variety of pumpkins swells with malignant life on secret farms operated by strange hairless people with pale eyes, it’s time to have some fun with what time we have left.

With all the humility that I can muster, may I suggest that my new novel, Elsewhere—available in hardcover, eBook, and audio on October 6—will entertain the heck out of you and take your mind off the possibility that a malevolent gourd is growing in your basement and might already have snared your cat with its tentacles and implanted an embryo in its chest.

So spend a few evenings with a copy of Elsewhere. Sit by the fire with a mug of hot chocolate and a bottle of Scotch, snug under a lap blanket, a loaded shotgun near at hand, and follow Jeffy and Amity Coltrane on as thrilling an adventure as I have ever written.

With warmest wishes from everyone here in Koontzland.
Dean