Essays

Dear Readers,

September! Everywhere I turn, I’m being told, often forcefully, “It’s back-to-school month!” No way. I refuse. I’m not going back. I endured twelve years of school and four years of college, and I’m not subjecting myself to that again. If they want to come for me with cattle prods and guns, let them come. They will be driven back with sarcasm, scorn, and—if I must resort to it—poetry I wrote in college and will shout at them through a bullhorn.

September seems to be tarantula month. During forty-four years in California, I never saw a tarantula. In our new neighborhood, I’ve encountered four recently, always when I take our dog out at night to potty. I’m told they’re “gentle giants,” but I think one of them ate a neighbor, as I saw it near a pair of broken sunglasses. When they jump at you—up to five feet!—you just know if they could talk, they’d shout “Boo!” because that’s the kind of wise-ass spiders they are. When they take me by surprise, it’s not potty time for just the dog.

Speaking of surprises, I’m thrilled to share that Brilliance Audio is releasing a new recording of The Voice of the Night. This audiobook features a new narrator and a bonus novelette, “Silence,” that picks up the suspense 30 years later, when a new threat emerges. The Chicago Sun-Times said of the novel that it is “terrifying, knee-knocking suspense.” So to avoid bruising, listen to the audio with a pillow between your knees.

With warmest regards from everyone here in Koontzland,
Dean Koontz