Essays

I am very excited. In spite of the supply-chain problem, I just received my chocolate Easter bunnies for Christmas, which means the Christmas tree I ordered should be here by July 4th, and then I’ll get a delivery of fireworks for next Thanksgiving. Under this system, the holidays have a whole new feeling!

I’m relieved to hear the government’s assurance that there will be no toilet-paper shortage, only an excessive use of toilets that will require fines for heavy users. And I am reassured to be told that if gasoline rises to $20 a gallon, I will suffer no hit to my budget, because rationing laws will allow me to buy only two gallons a week.

Just as it’s supposed to, the new moon arrives on the 4th and becomes a full moon on the 19th, while the winter solstice is the 21st. Happily, the chaos of our daily life has not spread to the functioning of the solar system, which is clicking along on schedule now that Elon Musk has gallantly assumed responsibility for it.

With the solar system in capable hands, you can relax and preorder my new novel, Quicksilver, which will be published on January 25, 2022.

Have a wonderful Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year (stay sober or stay home).